even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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