drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
