Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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