Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
