When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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