Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My underwear smells like fireworks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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