does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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