he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
