how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
