dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
