One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
