talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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