Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
