Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
