I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
