woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
