you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
