people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
