I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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