She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
