how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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