I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
