Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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