She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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