i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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