Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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