Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
