Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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