Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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