if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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