I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
