i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
