Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
