Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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