my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
