my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
