I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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