the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
