Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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