why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
