Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
