This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
