Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
