Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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