It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
