Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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