no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
