i love accidental penises.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i think i just lost a toe
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
