____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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