So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
