I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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