About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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