So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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