Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have fence marks all over my body
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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