Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
