This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
