I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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