I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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