wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
