if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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