Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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