I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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