You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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