Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
