Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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