Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
