she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
