??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
