Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
