No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
is wine microwaveable?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
