He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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