he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
