I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
