I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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