My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
