I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
