i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
