drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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