She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize